LAST LOOK by Artist Gill Alexander

LAST LOOK Markers on Paper, 17 x 27"

TOTAL HOURS WORKED: 24

For years I have collected found photographs. By “found” I mean that I have discovered them lying abandoned in public spaces. In many cases I have simply picked them up off the ground. There are some ethics and aesthetics issues that can arise from this habit. It’s a rich topic with lots to feel ambivalent about. For instance, my high school art teacher (a photographer and photo collagist) used to visit small town drug stores in the 1970’s in pursuit of unusual images that he might find in the packets of photo processing that had been dropped off but never picked up. The surreality of his neighbors’ lives were, no doubt, visually jaw dropping. But it seems a bit exploitative to want to abscond with their imagery for one’s own interests, be those interests aesthetic or not. Yes? No? Some people tell me they think that I am in this for the rank voyeurism. I’ll be the first to admit I’m not immune. But, no, that’s not it exactly either. Why then do I want to do this? Bear in mind that sometimes these photos are filthy. Sometimes they even smell! Not to get too sentimental here… but I think the main reason I have done this is that I don’t want these images or these objects to be lost. I don’t want them to be forgotten.

I can think of nothing better to illustrate this than a visit to the Delray Beach Goodwill. I was going through some badly banged up framed paintings and prints (it had been the frames that were for sale) when I discovered a slightly warped bright red diploma holder. It was warped because it had been compressed around a packet of about 20 photos. After having unstuck the water damaged prints from one another, I discovered that the photos were filled with images of marines. I looked at the diploma holder again and saw that it had the seal of the US Marine Corps on it. Inside was a commendation from Officers Candidate School! This was 2006 going into 2007, and the casualties in Iraq were at their height. Oh no! I had such a sinking feeling. Had this guy died in action? Had events gone south such that valuables like this certificate and these photos had been abandoned… only to wash up here in Goodwill? Of course I bought them (for 99 cents). I cleaned them up as best I could and then digitized them for storage with the other thousand or so images I have. (Some of the more interesting examples of the full collection can be seen here.)

I looked at them from time to time. Perhaps more than any other images, these in particular nagged at me. Just what had happened to this person? I saw the name on the diploma: Joshua J. Piccoli. I saw the marine standing at parade rest inside this same diploma with that name. I realized that I could recognize him in many of the other shots too. There he is in dress uniform, the best man at another marine’s wedding. There he is on a tank. There he is getting on a helicopter… Years went by. (I was having my own issues) Finally, just before Christmas, 2011, it occurred to me.: what if I type Joshua Piccoli into Facebook?

I did. And there he was! I could recognize him from his photos. The photos and certificate were indeed important to him. He was truly surprised and extremely grateful to get them back. Turns out they had been stolen with his luggage during a move in the Vero Beach area 2 hours north of Delray. Eventually, I even heard from Josh’s father! He made some vague references to post marine corps difficulties that Josh had been experiencing and indicated to me that this seemingly small restoration was a bigger deal than I could know. At the time Josh and I even exchanged some pretty frank emails about relationships and other topics. It was all pretty intense and gratifying given that the central issue in my own life, my wife’s health, was showing no progress. At least this had been a success.

DRAFT

Through Facebook I was able to watch as Josh finished college. I saw him get accepted to Rutgers Law School. I watched as his personal relationships seemed to flourish. I watched the antics of his small dog. I eventually saw photos of his wedding. Finally, I saw him actively trying to “give back” through various activities around veteran’s issues. He seemed to really be on track … and happy.

And then I discovered in April, 2016 that he had died.

I was absolutely stunned.

He was not even 40! I am unclear about the medical details; but needless to say, what a tragedy! To have lived through Iraq, and then this! And what a hole he seems to have left behind in so many other’s people’s lives. So with Last Look I made my first drawing based on a found photo. This image is one that I thought was most memorable even on that day I first discovered it in Goodwill. Today it is also the central image in the literature that describes the scholarship named for Josh at Rutgers.

There is something almost mythical/religious about the look over the shoulder: Lot’s wife, Orpheus and Eurydice, etc. For me that imbues this with a bit of an elegiac cast. I imagine the actual event was very different. To the guy behind him in line walking to board the helicopter, “Here, take a shot of me before we take off.” Or maybe the guy behind him initiated it, “Josh turn around! One quick shot before we go.” There is a jovial, almost mischievous quality to the grin; yet it is there amidst an atmosphere of committed determination. I did not know Josh well at all; but from afar those seemed like the kinds of qualities that people might associate with him.

The photo was a bit rough. (Remember it had water damage) Hunting for detail in it was hard, so I decided to embrace the full range of dark tones that dominated the portion of the photo I chose to use. This is why I included the long shadows. Plus I really wanted to include the guy at the head of the line in the drawing and it was almost impossible to disentangle him from these same shadows. I also liked the way that emphasizing the darks seemed to visually join all the marines into a single entity. It made the highlights really pop too. If I have one regret, it is that I could not better render Josh’s face. The shade obscured many of his distinguishing features. But at least there is a tiny highlight that demarcates his nose! Ultimately I told myself that this shortcoming did not really matter. This was not so much a portrait of Josh as it was a remembrance of him working with others.

No, these photos AND JOSH will not be forgotten.